There is one word to describe a day in my life; fear.  From the moment I wake up to the moment my head hit’s the pillow at night, I live in a constant state of it.  Agrophobia, claustrophobia, arachnophobia, you name it, I’ve got it.

  Absolute perfection would be to wake up of my own accord, instead of the terror from my nightmares doing it for me.  I would have sweet dreams of love and flowers; all the things normal people dream about.  I long for this; to wake up with the sunlight on my face without the fear of getting skin cancer, or blindness.  I could even wake up early to watch the sunrise.  I can imagine it now, the blood red glow beyond the horizon, then slowly, slowly it would appear and it’s ray’s of liquid golden light would spill across the country.  My mouth would open slightly, and my eyes would fill with the wonder of the world.  The sunrise, a new start, an endless image of hope for the world.

  But that is just a small part of my day.  Is it greedy to ask for more?  Surely not, I will continue.  The next stage; breakfast.  I would go all out; maybe even have a full English breakfast.  I shudder to think of it now, but this is my day, so I don’t have to worry about looking on the backs of labels for calorie or fat content or any cancer-causing chemicals.  Oh, but it would be wonderful.  The sizzle of bacon in the pan, watching the white of the eggs slowly turning colour as they’re fried.  I would breathe in deeply to enjoy the smell of it all.  Marvellous.  Tasting the bacon, ever so slightly salty, and dipping a chunk of bread into the yolk of the egg, making the rich yellow spill across the plate, mimicking the sunrise.

  After breakfast, of course, I could start my day in earnest.  Walk out of the house, yes, outside!  No need to huddle in an armchair by the window, shaking from the terror of the big wide world.  To feel the rays of the sun, ever constant, and the gentle breeze push back my hair gently.  Why be anxious of the diseases hidden in the air itself?  Pure nonsense!  No fear of monsters lurking in the autumn leaves on the ground, ha!  I walk through them, delighting in the crunching sound.  As constant as the sun is the mass of colour surrounding me; the like of which I’ve never seen before.  A leaf falls from the tree and flutters towards me.  I jump and catch it on it’s journey, and a little dirt gets on my immaculate skin.  There’s no panic, as there would normally be.  A car goes past, and I have no fear of it, though I stare at it; amazed at the glinting reflection of sunlight on the metal.

  People would come up to me, and talk, say that they are amazed that I’m outside, how good it is to see me.  Ah, the sweet insincerity.  They mean no harm, so I take no offence.  I can walk through the crowds without being worried, let them brush past me against my skin.  See them squint as their eyes adjust to the light, the dilation of their pupils; mere specks in this sunlight.

  My day would follow like that.  Simple things would amaze me.  Indeed, I would lie on the grass-covered earth for hours to stare at the cloud formations about me and listen to the buzzing of insects going about their work, even letting a few crawl over my bare arms.  Unthinkable!

  And then the finale; sunset.  As beautiful as the morning, the sun would dip below the horizon again and I would sigh, content in the knowledge that it was not gone for good.  The darkness, such a scary thing for so many, was equally as wonderful as the day.  The moon, the sun’s consort, would shine down on my smiling face as I drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

  How I long for that.  You don’t know how lucky you are.